


Whispers in My Mind

by scholarlydragon



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: F/M, Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-07-20
Updated: 2016-05-16
Packaged: 2018-04-10 07:35:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 17,879
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4382999
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/scholarlydragon/pseuds/scholarlydragon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There is a bond, of course, between Watcher and Slayer. Can it be more?</p><p>Multi-chapter story. Large chunks of remaining chapters are written and will be posted as I am able to finish them. Rated Mature, to be on the safe side. There will be plenty of suggestive descriptions, though nothing explicit, and later, unpleasantness of various sorts. Update 10/2/16: Apologies for the erratic updates. Real Life has conspired against me in a huge way over the last year. Currently reworking existing chapters to bust writer's block.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. That Which is Never Seen

**Author's Note:**

> Author Note- This started as a simple little romantic exercise. I was inspired by a song and wanted to write sweet fluff. Then I didn't know how to start the fluff but I had a brainwave on some drama that became a plot before the fluff had even been properly started. It was wasn't until much later that I got the idea for how to even start the thing. Now it's grown into the first series I've ever written and I'm a little bemused at how such a small endeavor grew so huge. 
> 
> Setting- something of an AU Season 4. Graduation and Ascension happened as depicted on the show, but little after that went the same. UC-Sunnydale still happens the same way but there's no problems with the Initiative, no Olivia, Anya doesn't come back, and the Scoobies aren't keeping poor Giles at arm's length. Just everybody growing closer together and, for Giles and Buffy, dawning realizations
> 
> Disclaimer- Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy, et al own these wonderful characters and I am grateful that I am allowed to play in their sandbox.

((((

Buffy spun a graceful kick at the sawdust dummy's head, grinning at the impressed comment that followed the soft _thud_ of impact from her bare foot.

“Well done, Buffy,” Giles said with an approving smile. “Are you ready for a break?” She nodded and moved to the bottom stair step where she had left her water bottle, towel and jacket. Giles straightened from where he had been leaning against the wall next to the short hall to the kitchen and moved over to her. “It shouldn't surprise me how quickly you learn something new.” His voice was warm and Buffy smiled. “How long of a breather will you need?”

She took a gulp of her water, brushing loose hair away from her sweaty forehead and allowing a grin. “I'm ready to move on whenever you are, Giles. That is, unless you're too tired from standing over there holding the wall up while I do all the work.” He wordlessly fixed her with one of his glares, the one that seemed so repressive but actually hid deep amusement. The one he seemed to use for her so very often. Buffy stuck her tongue out at him as she picked up the towel to wipe the sweat from her face and bare shoulders. Giles made a growling noise about ungrateful Slayers as he moved the dummy away, once more clearing the space in the middle of his living room.

It was fascinating sometimes to simply watch him move. Buffy giggled to herself. _Watching the Watcher_. Giles gave her a look and she got the giggles under control with some effort. Once, she had never suspected that he could be anything other than the shy, bookish man she had first met in the high school library, solid and dependable but uninteresting and not really anything she would call fun to be around. Now, though. Now, there were times he hardly seemed like the same man. Now, they had an easy camaraderie in their training and it seemed to be blooming into a genuine friendship beyond that which they'd enjoyed as Watcher and Slayer. _Guess it just took getting him out of the library_.

The stress of Ascension day had driven them all closer together in the aftermath and, as the summer wore on, all of their friendships had deepened. Giles had begun spending more time with not just Buffy but Willow, Oz, and Xander as well, though he definitely seemed to prefer the company of his Slayer. At first, he'd remained a little withdrawn despite making his home available to them as a gathering place. As the summer had worn on, however, he'd joined in on their gatherings more and more often.

Buffy remembered with a smile the day he'd reacted to Oz playing his guitar by pulling his own guitar out of the closet. It had been one of the first overt hints that there were hidden facets to her Watcher that she had never suspected and Buffy had sat enraptured with the rest of them, listening to him sing. After that, she had made it something of a hobby to try and tease out more of his personality that had been hidden by tweed and shyness. The others had lent their help to the project enthusiastically. There definitely were still times that he was so stuffy and British that she could only roll her eyes and she still couldn't really picture him ever cutting loose with silliness like Oz and Xander. But now she could see past 'Giles the librarian' and even 'Giles the Watcher' to 'Giles the man'. The man who had become as much a dear friend to her as the rest of them.

Giles shrugged out of his jacket, tossing it onto the couch which had been shoved to the side of the room, and placing his glasses out of the way on the mantel, remaining in his long-sleeved shirt, bare feet and loose slacks. “Are you ready?” he asked, moving to his customary position on one side of the mats. Buffy nodded before taking a last long swig from her water bottle and padded back onto the mats, the cloth of her white tank top and gray cotton track pants rustling softly, stopping opposite him. He simply stood for a moment, studying her. Buffy waited patiently.

Giles nodded as if to himself and dropped into a ready stance, Buffy mirroring him. She watched him as he had taught her, looking for the small tells and signals that would let her know what he would do next. Giles slid a step forward and Buffy suppressed a smile. _So obvious when you know what to look for_. Another step- A shift in his weight, almost imperceptible- and _there_! He lashed out with his right hand, a swift strike and Buffy parried. The fight was on. Buffy smiled as they moved together fluidly.

They both knew she could wipe the floor with him easily. That had been obvious from the start and she frequently had while she'd still been in school. But that wasn't the point of this at all. These bouts were more like duels rather than strictly combat. Raw Slayer strength notwithstanding, Buffy was as yet fairly inexperienced in the finer points of combat and this was what her Watcher sought to impart through these training sessions. Where he lacked her strength, Giles made up for it with skill and the knowledge gained from a dedicated lifetime of seeking it. These exercises taught the principles and structure of combat, allowing her to learn from his experience.

She spared a fleeting thought of regret for the time she had spent more focused on dates and fun rather than training. It had taken too long for her to truly grasp the importance of these lessons. All she had been able to see was her Watcher, the stuffy librarian, trying to keep her from having some semblance of a life. She had tried not to hold it against him too much; he'd been much too polite about it. But it _had_ been irritating.

Distracted by her thoughts, Buffy overreached, over-balanced, and Giles seized the opportunity. In one fluid motion, he evaded her attack and grasped her wrist in both hands. He spun gracefully, bringing her arm behind her back before he stopped and held her in that position. And Buffy was suddenly, devastatingly aware that 'Giles the librarian' who had become 'Giles the man' was in fact, undeniably, a _man_. His scent, soap and incense and old books, filled her senses as did awareness of his muscles, strength and easy grace. She could feel his chest pressed against her back, his panting breaths and pounding heart tremoring through her own body. She made an involuntary noise deep in her throat, her own heart seeming as though it would pound out of her chest.

The sound of Giles clearing his throat broke into her confused thoughts and he released her hastily. “Sorry. Did I hurt you?”

She stared at him for a moment, confused, then it clicked. That noise I made. _Guess he thinks it was pain or something_. She hastened to reassure him. “Oh. Nah, Giles. I'm fine.”

“Good.” He smiled at her and Buffy's gut did a flip. _Whoa. Now where did that come from? Since when do I get butterflies at a smile from Giles? Not that he doesn't have a nice smile..._ She tried to focus back onto their sparring, but she couldn't. The memory of that smile and of his chest pressed against her back kept intruding. After the third time he won a round, she shook herself and glanced at the clock on the wall then did a double take.

_Crap_.

“Giles, I'm sorry,” she said apologetically. “I've gotta meet the guys for lunch. Was there anything else today?”

He looked faintly surprised. “Er, no. Not particularly. There was more I wanted to go over today, but it's not critical.”

“Do-do you want to join us?” She winced inwardly at her stammer. “It'll be greasy burgers and fries. Fun fun!”

He hesitated for a moment then smiled warmly at her. “No. Thank you, Buffy, but I've some things I have to attend to.”

A surge of disappointment went through her at his words, much stronger than she would have expected for a simple declined invitation. “Oh. All right, maybe next time then.” She headed out into the late morning sunshine, focused on thoughts of a shower, clean clothes and lunch, trying not to think of the odd sadness filling her at the idea that he was staying home.

 

((((((

 

For some time after Buffy left, Giles stood staring at the closed front door, lost in thought. Buffy's distraction had been odd and he couldn't quite put his finger on what was wrong. Shaking his head, he moved into the kitchen, filling the tea kettle and settling it onto the stove burner. He realized what he was doing with a wry grin. _It's such a rote motion now. How they would all tease if they knew. British cureall for confusion? Tea. Solves all the world's ills. Or very nearly_. He turned on the burner and leaned back against the kitchen counter contemplatively.

Buffy had been fine all morning until the end of their sparring session, then had seemed preoccupied and distracted until she left. He wondered for a moment if the lunch plans had been genuine or she had merely been trying to find a way to leave. No, she'd invited him along. _Did I actually hurt her with that hold?_ But that didn't make sense either. He had asked if she was injured out of sheer reflexive surprise at the noise she made but, thinking back, he knew she hadn't been. It took more than that to truly hurt his Slayer.

His Slayer.

Her Watcher.

Giles let a smile quirk the corner of his mouth.

Not that he was truly a Watcher anymore, hers or anyone else's. Even if he had still worked for the Council, Buffy had long since proven that she no longer needed a Watcher. What they had now was unorthodox, but it worked. He laughed quietly. Unorthodox. Perfectly understated description of Buffy Summers. Not that he had ever been truly content with the normally mandated relationship between Slayer and Watcher. It was too cold, too impersonal. He'd tried briefly, initially, for the detached manner toward her that the Council's training had drilled into him. It had never truly worked and he'd given up on it entirely after the Cruciamentum.

Whether it was his nature or Buffy's own manner that prompted this familiarity was unclear. And in the end it didn't matter. Something about her compelled him. Always had. Slayers were all like that; their natural charisma ensured it. Every one of them was a naturally forceful personality. They had to be. But Buffy... There was a magnetism about her that drew him, drew all of them. Even her friends who, by rights, should have run screaming years ago after the first encounter with the supernatural dangers that plagued their lives. But they hadn't.

Now they all- Slayer and former Watcher and associated pack of friends- had formed an unlikely but strong friendship. It had begun, in the aftermath of the mayor's failed Ascension, with quiet evenings simply spent enjoying each others company, perhaps in reassurance that they had all survived and still had each other. Initially, he had been content to merely provide his home as a place for them to gather now that their library haven was no more. He was, of course, glad they were all still alive but he remained separate from the group, content to observe. For their own parts, the rest of them seemed glad enough for his company but made no overt efforts to include him.

Giles suspected that it might have remained so but for one evening when Oz had brought his amp and guitar to perform for them. He was talented certainly, but still young and still had a great deal to learn. And Giles had little patience for mere electric noise. Bolstered into recklessness by a bit of whiskey, he had pulled his own guitar from the closet, proclaiming that he would show Oz “how it was done”. Their spellbound faces as he'd played and sung had been gratifying. Now, it was a routine request of theirs for him to perform and Giles usually indulged them. From that moment on, a subtle but significant shift in the group dynamics had begun. Now, he was no longer on the outside in the least. And he found that he was pleased with it rather than annoyed.

A week or so after the initial performance, Xander had called him 'Watcher'. Giles had, somewhat bemusedly, tried to correct him. He wasn't a Watcher anymore, or even a librarian. Just Giles. Just Rupert. And he hadn't realized until that moment how much the notion had terrified and thrilled him in equal measure. He had spent so much of his life struggling to carefully conform to what other people wanted of him, the predetermined molds they expected him to fill. Even as Ripper. Ethan and the others had expected trouble from him and he'd been only too happy to oblige, masking his gratitude at being accepted with delinquency. There had been no time during which he had been allowed to simply be Rupert Giles, only the bits of his true self he could allow to leak around the edges of whatever persona he had been required to don. Even after the break with the Council, he had still felt constrained: by too long ingrained habit, by certainty that it would give Buffy and her friends aneurysms to see him in any other manner than as their stuffy librarian, and then by the arrival of Wyndham-Pryce. The other Watcher's strict insistence on protocol had been stifling.

Buffy had broken into his protests and told him in no uncertain terms that even though he no longer was a Watcher in any official capacity she still considered him to be _her_ Watcher. He smiled as he remembered the barely concealed venom in her tone that told him plainly what she thought of men on the other side of the world trying to run her life, using several choice invectives that still made him blush to remember them. She'd told him that she needed him. That she wanted him as her friend and to stand with her against whatever dangers might come against them. That she needed him at her back and at her side. That, in addition to being hers, he should never again in her earshot refer to himself as “just” anything and was that perfectly clear? Her opinion had been vociferously seconded by the others and a warm glow spread through Giles again as it had at the time. He was still wanted. Still needed, against all odds, by these people who had improbably grown from irritating children to poised and mature adults.

He'd agreed with her, of course. It was a rare time that he could refuse his Slayer anything.

He remembered the emotion in Buffy's voice as she had told him that she needed him, wanted him in her life. Her eyes had seemed wet with the strength of her words, the force of her conviction. She'd stood in front of the hearth, fists clenched, an almost wild look in her eye. The others, Giles remembered, had been looking at her with concern, surprised at the force of this outburst from their friend but voicing their whole-hearted agreement with it. Giles had risen from his chair and gone to her, a smile on his face. “Thank you, Buffy,” he'd said. “Thank you, all of you.” He'd held out his arms, offering Buffy a hug and she had taken it with enthusiasm, joined a moment later by the other three. He remembered well the joy that had spread through him at the embrace from the others but sharpest for his Slayer. He'd been keenly aware of Buffy.

As he had been that morning.

_If only she knew the truth_.

With a sigh, Giles pushed the thoughts out of his head along with the memory of what it had felt like to hold her so close that morning. There were few things he wanted more than for his Slayer to know how he truly felt about her and nothing that was more impossible. Besides, it was unlikely in the extreme that his suspicions were correct. Buffy saw him as her friend, a dear enough one but nothing more, and he cherished that friendship. _I'll be damned if I risk losing it over a foolish wish. Be content with what you have, old man, and don't go chasing dreams that can never be._


	2. That Click in Your Head When It All Makes Sense

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Buffy has an epiphany.

((((

 

 

Buffy walked to the restaurant, having gone home and showered first, pulling her jacket around her against the cool December afternoon and mulling over her unexpected reaction to Giles. _Ok, what the heck was that?_

Sudden awareness of Giles and longing to be around him had never hit her like that before. Sure, she loved to spend time with him and to hear him laugh and to talk with him about anything really. It would have shocked her teen self to no end that she would ever enjoy hearing Giles talk at length about academic oddities. A smile twitched at her lips as she thought of his enthusiasm for the strange and unusual, especially if he got to look it up. His almost gleeful excitement at the idea of research was one of the few times he ever got truly animated.

_Isn't that what love is? Enjoying spending time with another person and being around them and seeing them happy?_

Buffy stopped dead in her tracks at the thought as it occurred to her. _Well, of course I love him. Like I love Willow and Xander and Oz. He's my Watcher and one of my best friends._ She bit her lip in concentration. _And this attraction? You never think about Xander or Oz pressed up against you._ As she examined the idea there was a bit of the old teenager _ew_ about it, about the notion of a man so much older than she was who still had such a tendency toward geekery. But the more Buffy thought about it, the more she realized it was a cursory disgust. Like an old habit that no longer held any real meaning. Once properly examined, it disintegrated like a cobweb.

Which left... what?

She reached the restaurant and sat down heavily on a nearby bench, thinking hard.

_Ok, how do I feel about him? Really._

As she concentrated, a thousand memories and images of Giles played out before her mind's eye. His grin that crinkled the corners of his eyes and felt like a secret just between the two of them. His full-throated laugh, always sounding as though it were startled out of him, so rarely heard and cherished each time. Giles concentrating over one of his texts, brow furrowed in concentration. Moments of exasperation with eyes cast upward and that twist of his mouth that meant biting sarcasm was a breath away. Music filling the apartment as he played for them so many times, his initial shy refusals always giving way to a happy smile that said he was pleased to be asked. His gentle touch dabbing away the blood on her face after the Cruciamentum. Sparring with her. Moving gracefully with his sword whether in practice or battle, almost dancing, the blade an extension of his arm. The mayor with a blade in his chest and Giles stepping back with a defiant snarl. Giles looking so lost as he'd told them that he wasn't a Watcher anymore and the disbelieving joy on his face as she'd fiercely disputed the notion that he was _just_ anything. Giles sobbing out his grief in her arms as the warehouse burned behind them, her own tears soaking into his shoulder and a bruise forming on his jaw from her punch.

She heard her own words as though spoken into her ear.

“ _You can't leave me. I can't do this alone._ ”

Sudden solid understanding washed over Buffy, a quiet certainty that almost frightened her in its intensity. At the time she had said it, so desperately terrified of what Angel had become and the direction that her life was going, it had been a cry for comfort, for the stability she knew he provided. Now, however, there was so much more. _Not just that I can't do this alone. I can't do this without_ him.

If she lost any of her friends it would be heartbreaking but Buffy knew that she could go on without Willow or Xander or Oz. It was painful but she could picture her life without them. But Giles... She tried to imagine her life without his gentle, quiet presence, without the smell of tea and leather and books, and the sound of sardonic comments punctuating her life. Even trying made her breath catch painfully in her throat. Her Watcher had crept into her heart and now that she thought about it, she realized she had loved him for a very long time. Loved him as a friend, yes, but more. As someone that she couldn't do without. Someone that made her life complete in a way that it could never be without him.

Someone that she now found herself desperately hoping might want more.

_Oh, my God. I do love him. I love Rupert Giles_. A sudden giddy laugh burst from her at the simplicity of it. “Hey, Buff. What's so funny?” She startled violently at the sound of Willow's voice and looked up to meet her friend's eyes as they crossed the sidewalk to her bench.

Buffy blinked up at the three of them. She smiled. “Nothing. Hi, guys.”

“Did Giles come along?” Oz asked.

“No. I offered, but he said he had some things to take care of.”

“That's too bad,” Xander said. “I never though I'd say this, but I think I like hanging out with him. He's changed a lot. Like he's not just patrols and duty and 'I am stuffy British librarian man'.” His voice took on a pompous, stentorian tone and the others giggled. Xander brought his voice back to normal and continued, “Though he still has that sometimes. Guess that much tweed gets into the blood after awhile.”

Buffy laughed, a warm sense of happiness filling her as she walked with them to place their orders. She knew it wasn't just the company and banter of her friends. The thought of her Watcher suffused her and she wondered how she had ever made it without the simple knowledge of her love for him filling her. _I need to talk to them about this. Even if they don't understand really, I need to talk about it. I need to see if it still makes sense if I say it out loud_.

As they moved to a free table in the sunshine, Willow claiming the seat on the circular bench across from Buffy and the boys on either side, Buffy said, “I need to talk to you guys about something.”

Willow broke in eagerly. “You know you can talk to me about anything, Buffy.”

Xander chimed in, “Ditto that for me, Buff.” Oz nodded his agreement.

“I know. But I also need you to promise me that you won't wig or freak out in any way.”

This time, the redhead's assent was more guarded. “Um, ok. I promise, but you should know that you're kinda pushing me in that direction right now. What's going on?”

“You know how sometimes you realize there's been something in front of you for a long, long time and you never really noticed it was there before and never realized you wanted it and kinda just took it for granted?”

Xander nodded sagely. “Yeah. I remember when I was little, I thought I hated cheesecake. Then I actually tried some.” His eyes glazed over. Buffy raised an eyebrow at him.

“I- guess this is like that.” She sighed. “I've realized that I have- er, romantic type feelings about- a guy. You all know him. I think it's always been there but I just noticed it and realized how I really felt about it.”

Willow's brow furrowed. “A guy we all know?” She glanced at from Buffy to Xander and Oz and back again. Buffy could almost see the cogs turning in her head and the moment the pieces fell into place. Willow stared at Buffy, her mouth agape and a blush mounting in her cheeks. “You-you mean that you-but he's-I mean, when-?”

“Will, I hope that sentence will be good whenever you finish it,” Xander murmured with a smile. Buffy rolled her eyes in fond amusement. Willow turned to Xander, her eyes wide.

“I mean, unless I'm wrong here. Which I could easily be.” She looked back toward Buffy. “When did you realize it? What happened- I mean to change things? Cause things are clearly gonna change. Unless you don't do anything about it- It's so weird to think of it-”

“Willow, ease the flow!” Oz exclaimed, “You still haven't actually said who you think it is.”

Buffy took pity on her friend and broke in as the redhead drew breath again. _I should have just gone with straightforward from the start._

“It's Giles. I- I think I love him.”

Oz blinked. “Giles? You love Giles?”

“I said 'I _think_ I love him'. There's a key difference there.”

Xander heaved out a breath, eyes wide. “Not a whole lotta one, Buffy. How long?”

“How long have I loved him or how long have I known?”

“Either. Both. Yes.”

“I just realized it today. Like right before you came up. It's what I was laughing about. How long have I actually loved him?” She shrugged. “I have no idea. I guess it's one of those grows on you things.”

Willow was still staring, mouth working as she tried to get out a coherent syllable. Buffy sighed. “Willow, you _promised_.”

“I'm sorry-it's just.... You and _Giles_?!”

Oz nodded thoughtfully. “I should have seen something like this coming.”

Buffy looked at him, her brow furrowed. “What do you mean?”

“You've been hanging out with him a heck of a lot more than we have. Even more than the whole Watcher-Slayer thing. You guys have always had a- bond that you never had with the rest of us. I guess it makes sense that it would turn into more.”

Buffy smiled at him, grateful for his acceptance. Xander asked, “You ok now, Willow?”

She nodded quickly at him. “Yeah, I'm fine. Don't get me wrong, Buffy, I think it's great. Guess it just caught me by surprise.”

Oz chewed reflectively on a fry for a moment. “So, I assume you're gonna tell him?”

She nodded. “I'm not sure when, but yeah. Soon as I get my nerve up, I guess.” _Which should be sometime next year_. She poked at her fries, trying to still the trembling in her hands.

Xander chuckled. “You know, Buffy, I've seen you get ready to face countless vampires and demons and assorted other creepies. I've never seen you as nervous as this.”

Buffy tried to glare at him but she couldn't keep the smile off her face. “I guess I haven't been. It's one thing to say 'I'm gonna go kill some bad guys'. It's another to try for something I want this much.” She paused. “And I do want it. So much.” A sudden thought occurred to her. “Oh, God. What if he doesn't feel the same? What if I just scare him? If I get this wrong, I could lose him forever. What if I _lose_ him?” Panic clawed into her throat.

“Hey, no,” Oz said soothingly, scooting around on the table to hug Buffy close. “I may not know many things, Buffy, but I know you and I know Giles. Even if he doesn't love you like that-” Buffy stiffened in Oz's embrace and he tightened his grasp. “Even if he doesn't feel all romantically about it, your Watcher _does_ love you. You mean a heck of a lot to him. We all do.”

“It couldn't happen,” Xander said confidently. “Giles isn't the kind of guy to go 'ew, a girl likes me' and then drop her. I think even if he doesn't like you back in the same way, he'd still stay your friend. I mean, sure, he might go all stuffy and repressed about it, but he wouldn't just leave you over something like that. Besides, what's the lesser of two evils: never finding out if you could have more with him, or taking the chance that he doesn't feel the same way? One way you might be miserable. The other way, I can basically guarantee that you will be.”

Buffy chuckled a little, her panic subsiding though not disappearing. “How'd you get so wise?”

Xander puffed up his chest a little. “Well, you know. Natural talent and all that.” Oz threw a fry at him which Xander dodged before he sighed and shook his head. “I can't pretend that I'm not squicked by the idea, Buffy. I mean, Giles... Ew.” He gave a theatrical shudder and Buffy swatted him on the shoulder with a grin. He winced gamely and laughed. “Ow. Watch that random violence there, Slayer.” He looked over at her, his dark eyes kind, as he mirrored Oz and scooted close to Buffy's side to throw an arm around her shoulder in a brotherly embrace. “The fact that I find it kinda ick is not what's important here. What matters is that I want to see you happy, Buff. The two of you belong to each other in a way that the rest of us can't touch. You're clearly crazy about him and I know Giles would never mistreat you. I don't think he even could. So you have the blessings of Xander Harris. For what they're worth.”

Buffy giggled and hugged him back. “They're worth a lot to me.” She took a deep breath. “Ok. I'll do it. I'm gonna tell him. Not sure when exactly but I'm gonna tell him.”

Willow bounced in her seat with excitement. “Yay!”

Xander looked down at her, “Just warn me whenever you guys are gonna get all PG-13 if I'm around, ok? You might get all hot and bothered by him, but Giles is still tweed-man to me.”

Buffy swatted him again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author Notes- I toyed with the idea of drawing out Buffy's realizations but I loved the idea of it just hitting her like a bolt out of nowhere.


	3. When Lightning Strikes Me (Interlude)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Giles makes a difficult decision.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title is taken from “Sorry Seems to Be the Hardest Word” by Elton John.

((((

 

 

Giles started slightly in surprise at the knock on his door. Capping his pen and marking his place in the translation, he rose from his desk chair and moved to open his front door, then blinked in surprise to see his Slayer on the doorstep. He hadn't been expecting to see her again that day, especially after she had been so oddly distracted during that morning's training session. He stood aside from the door to let her in. “Buffy! I wasn't expecting you. Come in, please. Is something wrong?”

“No. Nothing wrong,” she said as she moved inside. “Giles, I've been thinking. Today. About a lot of things, really.”

“Oh?”

She paced restlessly around the room, almost fidgeting as she moved. Her fingers trailed fitfully over surfaces as though she could not remain still in any way. He observed her silently, confusion and concern growing slowly. She was not acting as though she were injured or in danger yet something was clearly on her mind and she was not at ease with it.

He sank back down into his desk chair, prepared to wait until she was ready to speak. She came to a halt near the kitchen passthrough, left hand on the countertop, right hand slowly clenching and unclenching at her side.

She spoke again finally, quietly, a slight tremor in her voice. “I've been thinking a lot and I've come to some... realizations about how I feel about things and what I want. And I was surprised by what I figured out. It wasn't something I would have ever expected but now that I have realized it... well, it makes a lot of sense. Giles, I...”

Her voice broke and she trailed off, swallowing hard. He resisted the impulse to go to her. He relaxed a little to find out that what was bothering her was not some imminent threat-not out of the question with the way their lives tended-but rather something more mundane. However, it was clearly still something that weighed heavily on her and, as always, Giles felt compelled to ease her discomfort.

Buffy took a deep breath and seemed to center herself. When she spoke again, her voice still trembled but she was once more in control. “Giles, I love you.”

His breath caught in his chest abruptly, painfully, and he hoped fervently that she was about to follow the pronouncement with more, something to clarify that she meant as a friend, or as a mentor, or... hell, even only as her Watcher. Anything else. Anything but the one thing that he most desired and could never have.

But no.

She turned to him, her gaze meeting his own and Giles bit back a groan of almost physical pain. She loved him as he loved her. It was all there in her too open face. Giles closed his eyes, a spike of pain lancing through him. It wasn't fair, to suddenly have what he wanted most thrust in front of him with no warning. Especially since there was no way he would be able to accept it.

“You love me?”

The words were out of his mouth almost before he could think. _Damn it all, why am I pushing this?_ But the answer to that was easy. If he could not have what he wanted, the next best thing was to know the details of how it had almost come to pass. _Details to torment yourself with on lonely winter nights?_ He almost snarled at himself, hating the longing that surged in his gut. He ached to give in. But he couldn't. Didn't dare to. She deserved better than him.

She was nodding, almost too quickly, as though nerves were making her twitchy. “Yeah. And I mean as more than just my friend or my Watcher or... whatever else we've always been.

“Buffy,” he said stiffly, carefully, keeping his gaze on his desk, the stacks of translations he had been working through, anything to prevent her from seeing the pain he was certain was in his eyes, “whatever you might think you feel for me... It cannot be. I am your Watcher. Nothing more.” _Much as I might want to be._ There could be no future for them. _How could there be? I am old enough to be her father. What sort of future could there possibly be for her with someone like me?_

Anger snapped in her tone, breaking into his thoughts. “What I _think I might feel_? How about giving me a little credit, Giles? And you're not actually my Watcher anymore, remember?”

He flinched. “Buffy,” he said carefully, “what you're looking for- It cannot happen.”

She was silent for long moments and Giles risked a glance up at her. What he saw nearly tore a gasp of pain from his gut. She looked... devastated was the only word for it.

“Buffy...” he started, unsure what to say, only knowing he had to do anything to ease that look of agony on his Slayer's face. She shook her head sharply and took a step back toward the door, then another. When she spoke, her voice sounded strangled, tightly controlled. “I've got patrolling to do.”

He started up out of his desk chair to catch her, the urge to soothe her obvious pain stronger than the need for distance, but she slipped past, evading his grasp. Then she was gone, out into the beginnings of twilight, and Giles let his head sink into his hands with a harsh, broken sob.


	4. The Unexpected Voice of Reason

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Xander is displeased with the Watcher.

((((

 

Giles startled and stifled a curse as his front door banged open. A familiar, and at that moment not particularly wanted, voice filled the living room.

 “Hey, Giles! How ya doin'?”

_Fantastic. The last bloody thing I need right now_. Aloud, Giles almost sneered at Xander. “Oh, I'm absolutely bloody wonderful, thank you very much for asking.” He had moved to his armchair with a tumbler of scotch and the absolute last thing he wanted to deal with right that moment was Xander Harris. And he wasn't alone either. Willow and Oz trailed behind him into the living room, fortunately more subdued but still an unwelcome presence.

“Geez, Watcher-man, bite my head off, why doncha?” Xander came into the living room, and tossed himself carelessly onto the couch. Willow and Oz claimed seats on the couch as well.

“We just wanted to stop by and see how you were doing,” Willow said gently.

Giles sighed, Willow disarming his mood. His tension was hardly the fault of any of them, after all, and taking it out on them was in no way fair. _They really do care, all of them._ He pulled off his glasses and rubbed the bridge of his nose tiredly. “I'm sorry, I'm afraid I'm not much in the mood for company just now. I-I'm a little... on edge.”

“I'd say you're 'a lot on edge', dude,” Xander opined, cheerfully ignoring the grunt of annoyance from Giles at being called 'dude'. “What's up with the Watcher?”

When Giles remained silent, Xander shrugged “Suit yourself. Any idea where Buffy is?”

Giles twitched at the mention of his Slayer's name. “No,” he said quietly. “No idea.”

Willow bit her lip. “That's not normal for you guys, is it? I mean you always seem to know when she's out on patrol, where she is and all that. And you usually go with her, anyway, when she decides she needs some slayage. But now she's out and you're here drinking and grouchy.” Her eyes widened. “Did you guys have a fight?!”

Giles scowled into his glass. “Why does it matter?”

Oz said quietly, “Because you're both our friends, Giles. _Both_ of you. And we care when our friends are unhappy.”

He melted a bit in the face of their concern. “Yes. We had a-a fight earlier this evening,” he said quietly. “She left. Haven't spoken to her since then.” He set his glass down on the coffee table and sat back in his chair, rubbing his eyes with one hand and thus missing the worried look that passed between the other three.

“Giles,” Xander said quietly, “at the risk of saying something I shouldn't-” Giles interrupted with a derisive snort. “As I was _saying_ \- can I ask what the two of you fought about? Buffy talked to us about some things earlier today and-”

“Xander!” Willow gasped. “That's-you can't-it'snotourbusiness!” She smacked her friend on the upper arm with the back of her hand. “You can't just go around telling people other people's secrets!”

“Ow!” Xander rubbed his arm in annoyance. “What is it with women and smacking me lately?”

“I'm just trying to stop you from any more bad meddling things. Stop with the badness!”

“It's not bad if we do it 'cause we care!”

Giles could easily see this argument escalating out of control and he blurted out the truth before he could fully consider the ramifications.

“She told me she loved me.”

The Watcher's quiet voice shocked the other two out of their bickering and into silence. Willow's mouth dropped open in shock and Xander sat forward on the couch, his attention centered on Giles. Oz reached out with one hand to close Willow's mouth for her with a snap. Xander fixed the Watcher with a serious and focused look. “And? Do you love her?”

Somewhere in the back of Giles' slightly fuzzy mind a tiny voice insistently clamored at him why confirming for these three that he was pining for their best friend might not be the best of plans. Worse still that she had confessed love for him and he had rejected her. He thought it unlikely that they would support his motives. He briefly considered simply kicking them out of the house with no further explanation. However, even if the damage hadn't already been done, he could tell by the look on Xander's face that such tactics would be ineffective. _Sod it. In for a penny, in for a pound. You made your bed, now lie in it and all that nonsens_ _e._

He replied quietly, “Yes.” It felt surprisingly good to say it out loud. “I love Buffy Summers.” _Except_ _you as good as told her that you didn't._ He tried protesting to the nagging voice in the back of his head that he had never actually said any such thing but it was no good. _Even if you didn't outright say 'I don't love you' what you did say was just as bad, wasn't it? You told her it could never happen. You took her confession and met it with coldness._

He tried to protest that he had done what was for the best, but he was no longer as certain as he had been. The memory of the look on her face right before she fled washed over him and he closed his eyes in pain. _Oh, Buffy. Forgive a_ _weak,_ _stupid old man._

“Why did you fight, Giles?” Willow asked, interrupting his internal argument, “You told her you feel this way?”

Giles looked sharply at her, his anger with himself slipping into his tone to make it harsh. “Of course not. I'm twice her age. She deserves better than me.” The argument sounded even weaker when he said it out loud. He stifled a curse and slipped his glasses off to polish them on the hem of his shirt.

His alcohol clogged senses seemed to be moving in slow motion and he wasn't sure precisely how they had arrived at this point, where confessing to these three seemed like the preferable course of action, much less how all his carefully constructed reasons seemed to be crashing down. _Maybe I'm just sick of hiding how I feel from everyone and everything. I'm just so bloody tired._ _And now, if I'm to be_ _los_ _e_ _her, what does the rest of it matter?_ “I told her it couldn't happen.”

Xander spoke, his voice tight and cold, “Giles, what the heck do you think you're doing?”

Giles blinked at him for a moment, slipping his glasses back onto his face. “I-I beg your pardon? What I think I'm doing?”

The young man's dark-eyed gaze held fury such as Giles had rarely seen from him. His fists were clenched and he looked as though he were a breath away from starting out of his seat and striking out. Oz laid a hand on his friend's shoulder as if to hold him back. Xander ground out, “You stupid, selfish... You know, when we talked with her, I told her I didn't think you could ever hurt her.”

Stung, Giles only stared at them, knowing Xander spoke the truth. _I did hurt her. Terribly._

“Giles. She loves you,” Willow spoke quietly, compassionately and, where Xander's eyes held furious anger, Willow's were sad. She went on, “And you say that you love her. And the two of you are practically an old married couple already. Why would you let a thing like age stop you?”

Oz nodded. “She's an adult. You're an adult. You love her. She loves you. If the only thing that really bothers you is the stupid age difference... well, am I the only one who thinks moping around about this is stupid? Like really stupid?”

He bristled. “I don't-I'm not-I am not _moping!”_

Willow's look was scathing and pointed, taking in his slumped posture in the chair and the empty tumbler on the table. “Giles, you are so moping, don't even try to deny it.”

Xander looked as if he were fighting with himself. He took a deep, steadying breath, visibly calming the anger that still radiated from him. “Giles, I'm going to pretend for a moment that the thought of you and Buffy- or actually the thought of you dating anyone- doesn't seriously wig me out.” Giles shot him a dirty look which Xander studiously ignored. The younger man cleared his throat. “Find her. Talk to her. Make up. _Fix_ this. Tell her you were stupid and made a mistake. Let her know that you love her as much as she loves you. Because it's pretty freakin' obvious that you do. I think you feel the same way about each other and why the heck are you wasting time and letting stupid stuff stand in the way of what you both want?”

His first impulse was to resist. He had spent too long fighting against it to capitulate so easily, but after a moment he shook himself.

_Could it be that simple?_

Yes. Yes, it could. And he'd truly been a fool and in the process had hurt the one person that mattered more to him than any other. Pain lanced through his gut as he remembered the look on her face just before she had fled. _Could_ _I really_ _have_ _ruined this? No. Not if I can help it now._ He knew her normal patrol pattern, could nearly walk it blindfolded. He would find her and.... and what? _Apologize. It's the least she deserves and the least I deserve would be if she never speaks to me again._

Giles rose from his chair, moved to the door and grabbed his coat. “I'm going to go find her,” he said as he shrugged it on. The others rose from their places as well and moved over.

“What are you going to do, Giles?” Oz asked, carefully.

“Apologize. Anything further...” he said bleakly, as he pulled on his boots, “Well, that will be entirely up to her.”

Xander gripped his shoulder as he stood from putting his boots on. “Giles, I care a lot about you and about Buffy. If this all works out then I'm thrilled for you both. But if you hurt her again, I'll make sure you regret it.”

Giles could see nothing but earnest promise in the younger man's eyes. Privately, he doubted Xander would stand much of a chance against him in an all out fight, but that was less important than the intent behind the threat.

_And it will never come to that again, God willing._

 


	5. Pinpricks to My Heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Buffy tries to distract herself from thoughts of her Watcher. Difficult when said Watcher finds her and wants to talk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title from “Ghost” by The Indigo Girls.

((((

 

 

Buffy heaved a deep breath and ran her fingers through her hair as the vampire's dust settled, its last scream echoing in the air. She grimaced and shook her hand to rid it of the accumulation of demon remains that sifted from her hair.

_Oh, ew. So completely gross..._

One of the hazards of killing creatures that exploded into powder; it got on you no matter what you did.

The slaying hadn't even done what she had hoped and distracted her from what was truly on her mind. _I'm too good at this, I guess..._ The motions of dispatching demons were rote by now after so long and new vampires like these posed no challenge. _They're all swagger and huff anyway._ She smirked to herself as she walked to retrieve her coat from the tombstone where she had left it. _I swear, let a guy wake from the dead with demonic powers and he thinks he's invincible. Never thought I'd be wishing for one of the big bads to show up. Now_ that _would be a distraction._

A distraction from the ache in her heart and the stab of pain in her gut.

_Giles._

Her breath caught in her throat at the thought of him.

Shrugging her arms into her coat with savage motions and shoving her stakes up her sleeves, Buffy left the cemetery, her mind on her Watcher. The ready, if shocked, acceptance of her friends had bolstered her confidence and she didn't relish the idea of telling them what had actually happened.

She ached to talk to him. But at the same time she yearned, even the idea brought pain. It was too soon, the pain of rejection too sharp, and she despaired that she had lost her best friend. There was a Giles shaped hole in her heart.

_And whose fault is it? He's the one who shoved this back in my face._

A surge of anger went through her. Anger at him, at herself, at whole situation. _Stupid girl. Should've just kept everything to myself._ Even keeping the secret of how she felt forever would be better than this. Better than the knowledge, even just the thought, of what she had lost. And in that case it didn't matter whether it was due to her confession or his own opinion of the matter. She'd lost him and this, most of all, was what broke her heart.

“Buffy....”

She jumped like a startled cat at the sound of her name.

She spun in a circle, stakes slipping easily into her hands and scanning for danger before she registered that the voice had come directly in front of her. Giles stood about five feet away, just past the pool of illumination from a streetlight, as though her thoughts had materialized him from the night. His long, dark coat seemed to hug him like a shred of shadow. Her eyes took in his soft, dark green sweater under it, his dark slacks, and black boots, his glasses catching glints from the streetlight. He looked like part of the night itself, a dangerous yet comforting presence.

He looked _good._

She shoved the thought away with effort. _Maybe if I can act like nothing's changed, we can go back to the way things were_. It was a tactic of desperation, she knew, but she was willing to try almost anything. She continued walking, forcing a bounce into her step and cheerfulness she didn't feel into her tone. “Hey, Giles! Just finishing up the patrol.” She kept walking as she spoke. “Just a few baby vamps. No big. Dusted 'em all pretty easily.”

As she drew alongside him, he spoke, his voice quiet, “Buffy, we need to talk.”

His serious tone sent a shiver up her spine and she almost faltered, then steeled herself. _You can do this. Just keep going._ “Talk? About what?” she asked with false brightness, still walking.

He reached out and caught her elbow gently with one hand. “You know what.” His tone, as well as his expression when she looked up at him, was unreadable.

“Giles, I...” she started, voice trembling despite her best efforts, unable to bear the thought of another rejection conversation. _It's not like he didn't make himself clear before_. The anger surged in her again and she was suddenly, tremendously tired.

She pulled her elbow from his grasp and moved another few steps away, desperately seeking distance between them, distance from the ache in her chest. “Giles, I get it. Okay? Message received loud and clear.”

He stood there a moment, his hand still outstretched, before letting it fall limply to his side. “I'm sorry, Buffy.” His voice was a quiet, sadness filled murmur. She still couldn't read his expression, but his tone said much. Giles was hurting. A lot. “I reacted badly before and you deserve every apology I can ever give you. I hurt you and that was inexcusable.”

Buffy swallowed hard against the lump in her throat, her heart aching in response to his obvious pain. _At least he's apologizing. And Giles doesn't lie about apologies._ _If he doesn't mean them, he doesn't give them._ The anger flickered.

She looked away from him, out into the night, telling herself that it was merely to remain alert for any signs of encroaching danger. In reality, she couldn't bear for him to see the longing in her eyes. “Giles, I...”

She was so focused on the darkness surrounding them that she nearly missed his next words as he broke in, he spoke so quietly. “I love you, Buffy.”

Certain she had misheard, she sputtered and spun to face him. “What?” The careful mask had begun to slip a little and she could see longing and utter sincerity in his green eyes behind the glasses. “You-you love me?” she said breathlessly, hating the way her heart was pounding with fierce hope.

He nodded silently.

“But before-when we were at your place, you said-”

“I-I was trying desperately to convince myself that-that I didn't feel as I do.” His voice was soft, the accented tones full of painful regret. He shook his head as though to dispel pain, shoving his hands into his trouser pockets. “I was so-so focused on the differences between us: a-age and the fact that you are the Slayer and I am-was- Damnation! I _am_ your Watcher. I am _your_ Watcher!” He looked away from her, pain on his face. He whispered, “I was so bogged down in-in propriety that I hurt you and myself. I was a fool. I'm sorry.” She had rarely seen him look so miserable.

_Good._ She recoiled a bit from herself, shocked at the internal venom. Relief and joy at his admission warred with anger. The questions roiling in her tumbled out. “Why?! Why come out here and tell me this now after everything? And if you felt like this, why hurt me first? God, Giles... I confess I love you and you-you push me away like-like I'm nothing! Like you don't give a damn!”

He stood stock still, looking down at his feet, misery on his face. _He's just going to take it, isn't he? He's never let me just rail at him before._ In spite of her simmering rage, her heart went out to him. She didn't need to hurt him over what he'd said. He was taking care of that all on his own. He clearly felt sick over how he had hurt her. The anger drained away suddenly. _Oh, God. Enough with hurting each other. This isn't a contest._

“Giles.”

At her soft exhalation of his name, he looked up at her again and her breath caught at the openness in his expression, the love and agony and naked, bruised hope plain on his face.

“Why did you do it?” she asked quietly.

He was equally quiet, “A-as I said, all I could think of was propriety.” He looked away sharply, his features twisting into an expression of pain. “I-I convinced myself that I was doing the right thing for-for both of us. Convinced my-myself that it was my h-heart and only mine that I was risking.”

She was silent for a moment. He dared a glance up at her, then quickly returned his gaze to the ground at his feet. “I-I think I understand,” she said slowly and she could hear his breath hitch in his chest. “I certainly don't agree, but I do understand.” She could hear him let out a long ragged breath. “Giles,” she said, and waited until he looked up at her once more. “Don't ever do this to me again. Trust me to work things out with you.”

He shook his head, his whisper fervent, “Never again. I swear to you I will not be that fool again. I'd sooner die than hurt you again like that.”

Buffy moved slowly, her heart pounding, afraid that this couldn't be real, afraid that after all the heartache of the evening that it could all possibly be resolved. The fearful restraint only lasted an instant, however, then she was running, closing the distance between them. He took her impact with a grunt and enfolded her in his warm embrace.

 

(((((

 

Joy suffused him at her touch and he closed his eyes for a moment, thankful simply for her presence and not daring more, lest it evaporate like smoke. While he'd searched for her, he'd rehearsed endlessly what he would say and how he would say it. All his careful preparations had crumbled, however, in the face of her reception.

He had nearly bitten back the confession of love, hurt by her distant manner, but his heart had rebelled and he had essentially blurted it out. _She has every right and more to be hurt._ _So what if you're embarrassed? She deserves nothing but the straight forward truth from you._ Elation filled him at her closeness, her willingness to be near him.

He murmured in her ear, his voice a quiet burr, “Forgive a foolish man?”

She choked back a joyful sounding sob and burrowed against him, under the black coat. Giles understood and held her tightly, grateful beyond words.

After several moments of simply enjoying her, Giles leaned back slightly from the embrace and tipped her face upwards with one hand under her chin. Her face was lined with silver tear tracks but she was smiling, her heart open in her gaze, a well of love and affection so deep in her blue eyes that he might fall in and never come out again. His breath caught as he was transfixed. _I've never seen her more beautiful._

“I've never known anyone like you,” he whispered, tucking her hair behind her ear with one hand and gently brushing away traces of tears with his thumb. “I came to find you tonight with apology as my only goal, fully prepared for you to never speak to me again afterward but knowing it was the least I owed you. But I find I cannot let it go at that. You deserve nothing less than the full truth from me and I'll never again give you anything less. This is the second time that concealing things from you has meant I nearly lost you. I'll not do so again.”

Her arms tightened reassuringly around his waist as she said, “You were trying to do what you thought best. And you clearly hurt yourself just as much as me. I'm not angry anymore. So long as you _talk_ to me about things from now on.”

He quirked a smile. “I will. You have my word.” He took a deep breath. “I don't have much to offer you beside myself, Buffy Summers. Even before the Council let me go, I-I was not particularly well thought of as a Watcher. Even if they were to take me back, I don't expect that would change.” Her lips quirked and he smiled as well. “Just so. I suspect that the-the manner in which we parted did nothing to endear me to the Watcher's Council.” He paused, moving his hand to cup her cheek. “So I-I have no status, no-no great wealth. A-at the moment, even in the mundane world, I don't even have a job. But you hold my soul within you. Have done so for quite a while if I'm honest with myself. I want nothing more than to make you happy. So, if you-if you'll have this old Englishman, I'm yours.”

A radiant smile broke over her face and he heart skipped beat. “Giles, all I ever wanted was you, all I've ever wanted was you at my side. Even before I knew-before I realized I loved you like this... I've always loved you. Of course, I'll have you. After all,” she ducked her head, almost shyly, “You hold my soul too.”

He lowered his head and kissed her, a feather-light brush of the lips, a surge of joy in his heart, and it was like coming home. Buffy whimpered, threw her arms around his neck and did her best to kiss him senseless. When they separated, Giles stood for a moment, blinking. Buffy stifled a giggle at what he knew must have been a stunned look on his face. It was rather hard to think clearly.

He was tempted for a moment to remain like that with her forever, wrapped in each other, but he knew they could not. Besides... There was a much more appealing option available.

“Shall we go home?” he said with a smile.

She answered his smile with one of her own. “That sounds perfect.” As they began walking again, hand in hand, heading back, she asked, “What changed your mind?”

Giles chuckled. “Xander, Oz, and Willow actually. They told me what you all discussed-”

Buffy stopped short, her mouth dropping open in shock. “They did _what_?! Oh, I'm gonna kill them! They had no business and no right!”

“Be that as it may, love,” he said with a smile, “it might be a good thing they did. I-I was fully prepared to fall on my own sword, ignoring how-how I felt about you on the assumption that I couldn't have what I wanted most.” He ducked his head, regret flooding through him. “I-I might have been a miserable fool forever but for their meddling. Between the lot of them, they knocked sense into me.” He looked back over at her, a smile on his lips. “And Xander threatened to hurt me if I ever hurt you again.”

Buffy giggled as they resumed walking, her hand slipping under his coat, warm on the small of his back. Giles wrapped his arm around her shoulders and couldn't remember the last time he had felt so effortlessly happy.

“Somehow,” she said reflectively, “I can't see him being really able to carry out that that threat but it was sweet of him anyway.”

“Oh, certainly!” Giles said with a chuckle. “I judged it imprudent to point out what was likely to happen if he and I were ever truly to fight one another. I settled for an appreciation of the intent behind the threat and the knowledge that it will never need to come to pass.” Her arm around his waist gripped tighter and Giles leaned over to kiss the top of her head with a smile.

A sudden thought occurred to him as they reached his home.

“Oh, damn!”

Buffy looked up questioningly at his quiet exclamation. “What's wrong?”

He sighed, looking rueful, and closed his eyes. “I've just realized that I'm indebted to Xander Harris.” His mouth twisted into a small grin as he looked down at her again. “He can never know.”

Buffy returned his smile. “You're not the only one.”

Giles opened the door and ushered her inside, sparing a thought of gratitude to Xander, Oz, and Willow for having had the foresight to leave. _Not that I would_ _ha_ _ve had a problem with asking them politely if they were still here, but it's one less distraction now._

He came up behind Buffy and encircled her with his arms from behind. “Welcome home, love,” he murmured with a kiss on one shoulder. She looked back at him with a smile on her face and her heart in her eyes and he knew that the simple statement was no more than the truth for both of them.

His house had been a home-away-from-home to Buffy and her friends for quite some time and they had been welcome whenever they felt the need to stop by. _Usually._ But there was a different sense to it now. He knew that they had at last found home in each other, not in the sense of four walls and a roof, mere shelter from the elements, but rather in a sense of belonging. There was a safety with her that he had not known he was lacking and had nearly missed that it had been right in front of him all along.

Buffy turned, reaching her arms up and around his neck, threading her fingers into his hair. “I love you, Rupert Giles,” she murmured.

He leaned down, his lips a breath away from her own. “I love you, Buffy. With all my heart.” He closed the distance and kissed her and that was the only conversation either of them needed for quite a while.

 


	6. By the Light of Day (Interlude)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The next morning....

((((

 

The morning light in her eyes woke Buffy and she snuggled down further into the blankets, trying to escape the sun's glare.

_Wait. I don't get light in my eyes first thing in the morning. What...?_ Her eyes blinked open and she stared around for a moment before she recognized the familiar furnishings of the loft and remembered.

_Oh. Right._

She couldn't fight the smile that spread over her face as she turned over, seeking her Watcher. He lay on his stomach on the other side of the bed, pillow caught up in his folded arms, still asleep, the edge of the blanket fallen to his mid-back. She simply looked for a moment, enjoying the sight of him. The fine lines on his face were eased and he looked more relaxed than Buffy had seen him in quite some time.

She studied his features, the face that had long ago become as familiar as her own, the crease on the right side of his forehead, the strong line of his nose. A faint smile curved his lips and Buffy smiled as well, wondering what he was dreaming of. She couldn't resist the urge to touch the dimples that framed his mouth and reached out with a gentle touch to run her fingers, feather-light, over his cheek.

Giles stirred slightly, stretching. Buffy could see the moment the awareness that he wasn't alone in his bed registered. He froze and, even with his eyes closed, she could see him thinking. She waited, a little afraid of what his reaction might be. His eyes blinked open a moment later and her breath caught at what she saw in the green depths.

“Good morning, love.” The sleep-husked burr in his tone sent shivers up her spine.

“Good morning, yourself. Sleep well?”

He almost purred as he stretched again, turning over and ending the movement by reaching out and dragging her on top of him. Buffy squeaked out a surprised, delighted laugh and settled on his chest, legs twining with his. “Extremely well, thank you for asking.” He paused, his eyes full of love and gratitude, and stroked her cheek. “Thank you for everything.”

Buffy blushed and ducked her head, at a loss for words in the face of this man's simple and fierce devotion to her. She leaned down and kissed him gently, sweetly. They lost themselves into each other for long moments. Suddenly, his stomach growled loudly in the silence. After a moment of startlement, Buffy dissolved into giggles and Giles rolled his eyes with good humor.

“We should go have breakfast,” she said, still snickering.

“Later,” he said, rolling them both over on the bed. “I have other priorities right now.”

 

 


	7. Donuts and Plans

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which friends check in and donuts are eaten.

 

 

Giles came into the kitchen, a broad smile on his face. It was hard to believe that less than twenty-four hours ago he had been resigning himself to remaining forever at arms length from that which he had desired most.

And now?

Now the very thing he thought he would never have, never hold, was in his bathroom showering, no doubt using all the hot water. _Let this be a lesson, you great silly idiot._

A knock came at the door and Giles frowned slightly. _I wonder who it could be? No one that would actually knock would be here at this time of the morning._ Moving to the front door, he opened it wide to reveal Xander, Willow and Oz. Xander, with one hand clamped firmly over his eyes, and the other two with twin looks of exasperation and amusement.

Giles stared. “Xander... Why on earth are you...”

“Because if you and Buffy made up and got together-which I'm really hoping you did, by the way-I didn't want to see anything that I wouldn't want to see.”

Giles sighed expansively but even his customary irritation at Xander's inane comments failed to surface, his good mood was so complete.

_Good Lord._

Aloud, he said dryly, “And you really think I would answer my door like that?”

Xander removed his hand from his eyes and blinked for a moment as he thought that over. “Er, um, good point. May we come in?”

Willow lifted the box she carried. The warm, yeasty smell of fresh donuts wafted from it. “We brought breakfast. Unless the two of you would rather be alone? We just wanted to celebrate our friends being happy.” A look of consternation crossed her features. “Oh. Unless you didn't. Didn't get together that is... Then we wouldn't want to celebrate- commiserate maybe. Unless you'd rather just be alone- er, in either case?”

Giles took pity on her and pried the container from her hands with a reassuring smile, his stomach growling loudly again at the smell of the treats. “A celebration is indeed in order. Come in, please.”

An enormous grin spread over the redhead's face and all three came into the house. “So where is Buffy?” Oz asked, glancing around as Willow perched on a stool. Xander claimed the other.

“She's showering,” Giles said as he placed the box of donuts onto the counter in front of them after moving back into the kitchen. He pulled a short stack of plates from the cupboard and handed them to Willow. “I don't suppose you remembered the jellies?”

“Of course I did, Giles.” Willow grinned at him as Oz cracked open the box and swiped out a donut before biting into it with relish.

“We'll even be generous,” he said around a mouthful of pastry, “and leave one for you.”

“It had bloody well be more than one!”

Oz swallowed with a grin. “So, all went well last night? Buffy was ok?”

Giles ducked his head in acknowledgement. “In-indeed. I found her and apologized. She forgave me. It went better th-than I had any right to hope.” He heard the shower shut off. “As far as your other question, if you wait a moment, you may ask Buffy yourself.” He pitched his voice to carry through the closed door, hoping to preclude his Slayer emerging less than dressed. “Buffy, love, we have company.”

Buffy emerged from the bathroom a moment later, her hair damp at the ends, dressed in a pastel blue tank top and soft cotton slacks. Giles had long ago offered her space in his closet to keep a stash of clothing. There were too many times she had appeared upon his doorstep filthy and tattered from fights. Buffy had been gleeful to realize there was now another use for her stock besides cleaning up after patrol and she had teased him about practically living with him already before her mind had caught up with her mouth and she realized what she had said. Giles had only smiled at her.

Buffy broke into a wide grin and moved to hug her friends. “I thought I heard voices! Hi, guys.”

“Did you leave any hot water?” Giles asked with a smile.

She stuck her tongue out at him. “Of course not. You had a chance to join me.”

Xander abruptly choked on his donut. Oz pounded him on the back as Giles maintained a lofty expression. “And if I had, our poor friends would be still standing on the doorstep.”

“Or we would have just walked in-” Oz mused.

“And maybe,” Willow pointed out, with a look of earnest helpfulness, “seen something we didn't really want to see-”

“Giles,” Xander whispered fervently, “thank you for being available to answer the door!”

Willow rolled her eyes and pointed at the box on the counter. “We brought you donuts in celebration, Buffy.” With a squeal of glee, Buffy claimed a plate and a chocolate donut. When all had followed suit, with Giles selecting a jelly-filled of course, they settled into the living room, Oz into the armchair with Willow perched on the arm, Giles with Buffy next to him on the end of the couch nearest the stairs, and Xander on to the opposite end.

“So,” Buffy said, and Giles could hear the suppressed grin in her voice. “I understand that certain someones blabbed a thing that I told them in confidence.”

Giles hid a smile behind taking a bite of his donut and said nothing.

Willow's smile faded, “Aw, you can't be too mad, Buffy, can you? It was all Xander, anyway.”

Xander sputtered. “It was not! Okay, maybe it was mostly me. Or all me.” He shrugged. “It's a little hazy.”

“Are you mad, Buffy?” Oz asked quietly.

She shrugged. “A little irritated, maybe. But not too much. After all, who knows what would've happened if you hadn't meddled?”

A wave of regret washed through Giles then stilled as she reached over and gently squeezed his hand. He knew she had forgiven him. Still, it would be quite some time before he forgave himself.

“So,” he murmured, kissing the top of her head, “What would you like to do today?”

“It's Saturday, so no classes for any of us. I'm thinking... shopping.”

He groaned. “You're going to make me go to the mall, aren't you?”

“Hey, you asked. I want to go to the mall and show off my handsome Watcher. Deal.”

“Sh-show me off?”

“Relax. Nothing too bad. Just want to hang out with my friends, walk around arm in arm with my guy and grin at all the envious stares.”

Giles rolled his eyes. “Your guy?”

“Yep. So, are you gonna keep repeating things that I say in question form or are you gonna give in and come to the mall with me?”

He sighed. “Very well. I will go to the mall with you.”

Buffy broke into a wide grin.

Giles went on, “However, I'd like to have a shower first, now that my water heater has had a chance to reset.”

She leaned over and kissed him on the nose. “Excellent. I'll join you.” She turned back to the others, with a bright smile, “Meet you guys at the mall later?”

Giles frowned slightly as the others murmured agreement and moved toward the door. “But you already showered....”

“So? You didn't join me earlier. It's not my fault I'm more of an opportunist than you are.”

Xander's sputter of protest and pained wail was cut off by the sound of the door closing.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fair warning at this point, I'm going to be busy with school starting up again. I'm definitely going to finish this story, but updates will probably erratic. Please be patient with me.


	8. Easy Adjustments and Famous Last Words

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Buffy muses on how easy some adjustments are to make. And learns what happens when you assume you'll have a night off.

Buffy smiled to herself as she padded up the stairs to get ready for bed, the sounds of Giles locking the front door and turning off lights echoing quietly through the apartment. The day had gone surprisingly well. Giles had reacted about as she had expected to most of the stores in the mall: poorly veiled distaste and a flat refusal to go into most of them. The dimly lit shop with the pounding music and dark, too tight clothing on display had merited a sneer and a pointed crossing to the other side of the walkway. Giles had finally given in when she pouted a little and had accompanied her into some of the less “tween” clothing stores, enduring her and Willow's attempts to improve his wardrobe with a modicum of grace. He had even consented to the purchase of

Buffy smiled to herself as she padded up the stairs to get ready for bed, the sounds of Giles locking the front door and turning off lights echoing quietly through the apartment. The day had gone surprisingly well. Giles had reacted about as she had expected to most of the stores in the mall: poorly veiled distaste and a flat refusal to go into most of them. The dimly lit shop with the pounding music and dark, too tight clothing on display had merited a sneer and a pointed crossing to the other side of the walkway. Giles had finally given in when she pouted a little and had accompanied her into some of the less “tween” clothing stores, enduring her and Willow's attempts to improve his wardrobe with a modicum of grace. He had even consented to the purchase of a few items when the others had chimed in with agreement and approval.

Buffy stifled a giggle as she changed into her pajamas, remembering. A stop into a chain bookstore had left Giles and Willow both complaining about poor book selections. When questions about the possibility of placing orders hadn't been as productive as hoped, Giles had nearly pouted, muttering under his breath about useless clerks.

He had brightened up considerably when he spotted a tiny magic shop tucked into an out of the way corner of the mall. They had spent quite a while browsing through the little store. The shopkeeper had been thrilled to see them. The shop didn't see much traffic between the out of the way location and the unusual merchandise. Giles and Willow between them racked up a considerable purchase, with more requests for stock and a promise returning.

As they had left the magic shop, Buffy had eyed him speculatively.

“Giles, you're enjoying yourself. Admit it.”

The corner of his mouth twitched and she could see the laughter in his eyes as he retorted, “I shall do no such thing.”

She had only shaken her head with a fond smile and wrapped an arm around his waist as they walked. After a moment, he had returned the gesture with an arm around her shoulders and a gentle squeeze.

As they were leaving the mall, the shadows lengthening into evening, Buffy had declared that she needed a night off from patrolling. In all honesty, it was a rare occasion that she really needed to be out and about more than one night in three or so and Sunnydale had been quiet recently. Now, as she climbed into bed and settled back against the headboard to watch as Giles climbed the stairs to the loft, she was glad that she had. She watched him as he moved around the loft, preparing for bed, musing on how quickly she had adjusted to this new phase of her life. It wasn't strange at all to consider this place home and to return here at the end of the day.

_Well, I spen_ _t_ _enough time here before so maybe that's not that shocking._

Even so, the mental transition from platonic visitor to lover had been surprisingly smooth. Almost as though what they now shared had always been there and had simply needed to be touched off.

Giles noticed her attention and grinned. “Penny for your thoughts?” he asked as he pulled the henley he'd been wearing over his head and discarded it to the hamper.

Buffy stifled a giggle at what the shirt's passing did to his hair. Giles paused in unfastening his belt and gave her a silent, arch look. Which only made her giggle fit worse.

He cast his eyes heavenward, as though in supplication, as he paced to the bed.

“Lord, give me patience with Slayers.”

Buffy's giggles turned into outright laughter and he pounced on her with a growl, wrapping her into his arms and tickling ruthlessly. Buffy shrieked and struggled, begging for mercy through her laughter.

Giles relented and wrapped himself around her back, cradling her against his chest. Buffy thought her chest might burst on the wave of happiness that surged through her. She'd always known he was devoted to her. It had been obvious nearly from the beginning of their relationship, from the very first days in the library. But that had been duty, a Watcher's oath to aid the Slayer.

This... this was something else entirely. His every touch spoke of profound love and a cherishing tenderness. Perhaps that was what had always been there. Loving devotion to each other until they were each ready to admit to something more. She wrapped her arms over his where they lay over her middle, stroking his forearms gently.

“Is that penny still available?”

He hummed in assent, pressing a kiss to the back of her neck.

Buffy sighed as a wave of pure, contented joy broke over her. “I was just thinking how not weird it is that I'm here. I mean, it's a little strange to wake up and look over the loft railing rather than up at it, but that's just perspective. I'm guessing I'll get used to it. It's not weird at all that I'm up here with you.”

She could hear the smile in his voice and feel it against the back of her neck. “I know what you mean. Despite the lot of you seeming to be here more often than at your own homes at times, I have been long accustomed to living alone. Sleeping alone.” He paused, lifting her right hand in both of his own and interlacing their fingers. His voice was softly wondering when he went on. “And yet, though you've only been here a day or so, it seems as though it's always been like this. Like we've always been meant to reach this point.”

“Giles...” she whispered, her breath catching in her throat at his voicing of the rest of her thoughts.

“Even after all this, you still call me that.” His voice was softly amused.

“Do you not like it?”

“I didn't say that,” he said, kissing the back of her neck again. “It's a little odd, but I do like it.” He paused and chuckled. “Of course, I expect you could call me just about anything and I'd like it.” She felt the sinuous motion of a shrug against her back. “I usually don't care much for my first name anyway.”

“Rupert,” she said with a smile, twisting slightly in his arms to face him.

His own smile answered hers. “It does sound better when you say it.”

She gently pushed his shoulder until he lay back on the bed and hovered over him, bracing herself on outstretched arms.

She leaned down and whispered in his ear, a grin on her face, “ _Rupert._ ”

He returned the grin and drew breath to speak, his hands sliding up her arms slowly.

They both startled violently as the front door banged open.

Xander's panicked voice called out, “Buffy?! Giles?!”

Giles swore in several languages under his breath. “Oh, I'm going to _kill_ that boy!”

Buffy scrambled off him, stifling a giggle, and called out. “We'll be down in a moment, Xander!” She swiftly gathered clothes, casting a look at Giles. Her Watcher gestured emphatically that he was _not_ in a fit state to be seen at the moment and made a shooing motion toward the stairs. Buffy stifled a giggle and mouthed “ _Sorry_ ” at him. He scowled, though she could see the grin he was trying to suppress, and rolled his eyes.

Buffy padded rapidly down the stairs and found not just Xander waiting but Willow as well. Her heart sank as she took in their expressions. Wide eyed and panicked looks never boded well.

“What's going on, guys?” she asked as she slid her feet into her boots.

Willow looked ready to launch into blurted and rambled explanations, so Xander cut in. “Corpses with electrical burns on them,” he stated, “We saw the demon. It was headed toward Restever Cemetery. Oz is keeping an eye on it until we can all get there.”

Giles came down the stairs at last, fully dressed and his boots in one hand. “What did it look like?” he asked Xander and Willow. “Size? Color?”

Buffy interrupted him. “Giles, there's no time for research now! We've gotta go!”

He gave her an irritated look as he sat at his desk to pull on his own boots. “And you'd prefer to go charging into danger with no more idea of what you're facing than just 'it's a demon'?”

She gave him her best 'duh' look. “When it's killing people, I don't exactly need more.”

“Buffy...”

She recognized his 'Watcher voice' and hurried to interrupt him. _Guess some things just don't change._ “Giles, there's no time! There's a demon, I'm the Slayer. Put them together and we get a dead demon. Good enough for me.”

His lips thinned into a hard line and Buffy knew that this wasn't the end of the argument. That was fine. They could have it out again. They'd done it before. So long as it was after the fight. She knew that he would back her up regardless of whether he was angry with her or not.

She strode to the weapons cabinet, sighing in irritation. “Safe night to take off patrol. Right. Why do I bother saying things.” She pulled stakes and blades from the cabinet, before tossing Giles his crossbow, which he caught easily. “Well, let's go get the creepy.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter will FINALLY start getting into the actual plot. Apologies for the infrequent update. Full-time work and full-time school have eaten my free time.


	9. Stubborn as a Slayer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Buffy does not listen...

There was, Giles thought on reflection, as he climbed into the shower much later that night, a very good reason why phrases such as “stubborn as a Slayer” and “useless as a worried Watcher” had become clichés.

There were too many situations where they were simply bloody true.

And he knew, as a Watcher who prided himself on thorough research, that when walking up on the scene of a demon attack what _wasn't_ happening was nearly as important as what _was_.

Not that he had ever been able to convince Buffy of this. The Slayer, like all that had come before her, and likely all that would come after, was a creature of action with little patience for analysis. Research was for lesser mortals.

A resigned sigh slipped out as he bent his head under the hot spray from the shower head, remembering...

The cemetery, while never a bustling sort of place, had been utterly silent, without even the confused squawks of late-evening birds or the muted mutter of traffic and pedestrians from a few streets over. The residents of Sunnydale, both human and animal, were well accustomed to the taint of evil in their midst, though few enough were aware of its source. After years on the Hellmouth, most had a well developed sixth sense of avoiding the really dangerous places. Probably the only reason the town still had any population at all. Even with a random demon attack, there should have been some sort of noise rather than this eerie silence. Unless this was something worse than a simple attack.

This should have been the first clue.

They had met up with Oz at the entrance to the cemetery. Giles had insisted that he and Buffy be the only ones to enter the graveyard, reasoning that with the lack of training in the others and the unknown situation, the risk to them was too great. None of them had been thrilled with being left behind but they recognized their own limitations. Xander had compromised with the insistence that they would be ready and waiting to spring into action on the cue of one scream meant “help” and two screams meant “help, _now_!”

The last wisps of daylight had faded from the sky as they had hurried to Restever and now the night was lit only by the street and path lights, but the Watcher and Slayer had moved through the stones and monuments with practiced precision. In addition to the complete silence, the cemetery was completely deserted. Which was not a terribly unique state of affairs and so it hadn't clicked until much later why precisely the utter emptiness of the graveyard was so worrying. In an ordinary demon attack, victims-or parts of them-were left strewn about. Even those that consumed their prey left blood spatters. And there were precious few demons who didn't take food back to their nests for later.

That was the second clue.

In the center of the cemetery, a crumbling mausoleum stood with doors ajar, spilling a sickly white light onto the grass. Giles had stopped short, examining, thinking, racking his brain for any recalled tidbit of research that might help.

Buffy on the other hand, crept onward, intent on the mausoleum.

“Buffy!” Giles hissed, hurrying after and catching up with her at the next tombstone. “What is your plan?” Desperation to make her stop, to listen, to _think_ , clawed through him with an intensity that was frightening all on its own. He had always worried about her on patrols. How could be not? But the depth of this fear was alarming.

The stakes were different now.

Seemingly oblivious to his inner turmoil, she shook her head. “Don't really have one. How about 'don't die'?”

Stung by her cavalier attitude and his own fear, he growled angrily. “Can you please be bloody serious about this?”

She narrowed her eyes at him. “Giles, I am serious. This thing has been killing people and needs to be put down. Now. I'm gonna go do the 'put-downing'. Are you coming or not?” Without waiting for a reply, she spun on her heel and dashed on. Giles bit back a curse and loaded his crossbow as he ran after her, the fear for her safety and anger at her attitude roiling in his gut.

And so as they entered the rotting building, the third clue that they were walking into a trap had gone straight over their heads.

Giles had no defense against the self-accusation that he should have bloody well known better than to walk in without checking the corners. None except the threadbare excuse of being distracted by an infuriating Slayer...

The mausoleum door had swung wide, revealing... a _rip_ in the air. It was as though the fabric of space had been torn. This then was the source of the light. Through the tear, a rocky tunnel could be seen, the walls emanating the wan light.

There was a sudden giggle behind them and Buffy spun immediately, dropping into a fighting stance, a knife appearing in her hand as though from thin air, Giles following suit immediately, crossbow snapping into position and searching the shadows methodically.

In a shallow alcove above the door, a small demon grinned down at them. It resembled nothing so much a monkey, albeit a monkey with a mouth crammed full of too many razor fangs and crimson fur. The little demon giggled again as it waved cheerfully at them, blue energy crackling over its talons. “Oh, you humans. So predictable. My master will be so pleased.” It clapped its hands in child-like glee and bounced in place.

Giles frowned, thinking hard, even as he took aim at the thing. “And who precisely is your master?”

“Ah, ah!” the beast tittered, shaking one bony finger. “That would be telling! But I will say this,” it commented as he gripped the stone ledge with cracked talons. “he was so hoping to net the Watcher and the Slayer! So kind of the two of you to oblige.”

Buffy snarled and threw the dagger she carried. In the moment before the point would have made impact, the demon vanished, reappearing immediately on a stone coffin to Buffy's right. She whirled immediately, lashing a kick at the demon's head, but it raised one taloned paw almost lazily and she froze, mid-motion.

With a snarl, Giles fired the crossbow but the bolt was batted from the air with one swift motion of the demon's other paw, and then Giles was frozen as well, the crossbow clattering to the ground from his suddenly nerveless fingers.

The little demon hopped down from its perch, muttering to itself. “Should have known. Watcher and Slayer.... Should have guessed they'd be more trouble than regular humans. Stupid.”

It looked up at Giles, tiny face twisted into a scowl. “I really hope the master knows what he's doing with you two. If it were up to me, I'd kill you here and now.” It sighed expansively, “Oh, well. Time to go, humans.” It started to flex its paws, the bolts of energy increasing in frequency and size. The air filled with the scent of ozone, before it paused a moment as if in thought. “And don't worry too much. This won't kill you. It's just to make you more transportable.” It grinned. “Gonna hurt like all the hells, though!”

With a gesture of the thing's paws, the crackling energy had leapt to Watcher and Slayer, searing fire along every nerve. Giles had collapsed to the floor of the tomb twitching, unable to do more than whimper. The last thing he had seen before blackness swept over his vision had been Buffy's frightened face, that fear lancing through his heart more painfully than the agony already searing through him....

As Giles understood it, only the timely interference of Oz and a rather large rock had saved them from whatever fate awaited on the other side of the portal. He had awoken some time later with a splitting headache and Willow shaking his shoulder, calling his name in a terrified voice. Everything had hurt but they were alive, yet again, despite the odds. And the little demon was... not. There was a stinking smear on the floor of the crypt under a chunk of masonry.

In response to Giles' questioning look, Xander had admitted, somewhat sheepishly, that they had begun following almost immediately. They had arrived just after Buffy and Giles had collapsed and Oz had promptly taken advantage of the element of surprise to apply a nearby broken chunk of the crypt to the demon's head. The corpse and the rift had promptly vanished and they had set about trying to revive Buffy and Giles.

They had both opted to forgo the hospital in favor of simply going home. Willow in particular had been opposed to that idea but Buffy had insisted that all she wanted was a shower and to sleep. Giles had concurred. With the attack over, he was left with an ache in every muscle and he wanted a hot shower with a fierce longing.

Willow had finally been swayed by the argument that the doctors would, in all likelihood have questions that could not be answered and she had given in on Giles' solemn promise to go to the hospital immediately if any alarming symptoms manifested.

Now, as the deliciously hot water cascaded over him, Giles found himself grinning ruefully. Once again, they had defied the odds and come out... perhaps not on top, but alive. It would have been vastly preferable to find out who the little demon's master had been and what it had wanted with the Watcher and the Slayer, but there was little chance of that now. For now... they had survived.

The realization suddenly slammed down on him, and he choked back a sudden sob, the adrenaline having worn off sufficiently that he could fully process not just the events of the night but their implications. The sudden sound of the curtain being drawn back startled him as Buffy stepped into the shower and slid her hands up his back before pressing close.

Her voice was a teasing, sultry giggle. “Is there room in here for two?”

“Of- of course.” He thought he controlled the hitch in his voice but she tensed against his back and Giles knew he was caught.

“Giles, what's wrong?”

Briefly, he considered prevaricating but, with a sting, he remembered her so recent words...

_Trust me to work things out with you._

Taking a deep breath, he spoke, quietly, painfully. “Buffy, tonight, I was more afraid for you than I've ever been.” She was silent for long moments and he forged ahead. “I have been frightened for you before but never like this. You protect, love. It's what you do. But it's my job to help you. Please let me do that. Please let me do _my_ job of trying to keep _you_ safe. I never could have borne to lose you. But now....” He paused, chest heaving with emotion and Buffy's gentle hands pressed against his shoulders, his arms, until he turned to face her. Giles looked down into the earnest blue eyes peering up at him and he reached up to trace his fingertips over her cheek.

Buffy leaned her cheek into his caress. “I promise,” she whispered. “I'm sorry, Giles. I didn't even think of how much I might be worrying you. I was just in 'there's-a-demon-kill-it' mode.” She looked so abashed that Giles had to smile. Her lips quirked into a mischievous grin suddenly, “Can't promise I'll ever be happy about research, though.”

He chuckled and returned her grin, rolling his eyes. “Heaven forbid.”

Buffy stepped forward and wrapped her arms around him, sharing the water stream. Giles returned the embrace, content to simply be there with her and content in having more or less escaped unscathed.

There was no warning as sudden vertigo surged through him and reality seemed to shift alarmingly. Giles shot out one hand, blindly groping for the tiled wall, desperate for anything to steady himself. Buffy seemed as disoriented, clinging to him tightly, her breath coming in small, alarmed sounding pants.

“Buffy, what-?”

“Giles? The hell-?”

His words cut off by another dizzying shift, Giles swayed, struggling mightily to keep his feet. He could feel the water still sluicing over his shoulders, Buffy's arms wrapped around him and his own alarm and panic. But at the same time it felt as though he shrank, the water from the shower head running over his hair, his gasping breaths heaving out of a heavy chest. As the disorienting sensations faded, Giles cautiously looked down at Buffy, braced against another wave of vertigo. The barely contained alarm in her eyes was not reassuring. Clearly he was not the only one affected by this-whatever it was.

“We need to get out of the shower before another one of those-those whatever that was happens.”

He nodded in mute agreement, reaching back and shutting off the water before they both stepped cautiously from the tub, painfully aware of the possibility of falling with another round of vertigo. Once they were both out of the tub, Giles reflexively pulled towels from the rack, turning back to hold one out to Buffy. Reality seemed to shift dizzyingly once more as Giles abruptly seemed to be gazing at himself.... through Buffy's eyes.

Proper perception slammed back into place and he saw Buffy staring at him with wide, frightened eyes as she said, “Ok, what the _hell_ is going on here?!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, I'm evil. I'm trying to get back into the swing of writing this so hopefully it won't be so shamefully long before the next update.


	10. Whispers in My Mind

Buffy took the towel Giles offered, watching him carefully.

It really wasn't reassuring that he looked as freaked out as she felt.

She wrapped the large towel around her shoulders, shivering a little, and watched as he dried himself and retrieved his glasses from the counter. His hands were shaking which, for Giles, meant serious worry.

As he shrugged into his robe, Buffy whispered, “Giles, what's going on here?” She did her best to steady the trembling in her voice. Vampires, demons, she knew how to fight those. But this-? _Even if we can figure out what's causing this, how can you fight something that's in your own head?_ Her hands trembled as she gripped the edges of the towel where it hung around her shoulders.

He stepped close, enveloping her in a warm embrace and, despite all that was happening and that she could hear his heart pounding in his chest, Buffy relaxed against him. There was just something so reassuring about his presence, even when neither of them knew what was going on.

_We've been through so much else together. We'll figure this out, too._

“I don't know what this is, love,” he murmured, pressing a kiss into her damp hair. “But we will figure it out.” Buffy nodded into his chest and took a steadying breath.

“I know. It's just... freaksome, you know?”

Giles stepped back slightly and when she looked up at him, she could see the rueful smile. “I do, indeed.” Reaching out and taking her robe from the hook, he helped her wrap into it and they went out to the living room as quickly as they dared, fearing another round of vertigo.It seemed to be quiet but Buffy noticed an unsettling doubled effect to her vision as they made their way out into the living room.

She curled up into one end of the couch as Giles dropped into one of the armchairs. “Right,” He said with a deep breath, visibly pulling “research mode” around him like a piece of clothing. “Let's look at this logically.”

Buffy smiled in spite of herself. She could almost see the wheels turning as he thought, almost hear him running through mental lists of possible research materials.

_Some things never change. Put a Watcher in a strange situation and the first thing they want to do is hit the books._

“You know,” she said, as drily as he ever had managed, “the response from most people to something like this is not 'ooh, I bet I'll get to research it'.”

He glanced at her, one eyebrow raising in surprise. “How did you know-?”

Buffy scoffed. “Please. I know you.”

Giles gave her a withering look which, of course, had little effect. “By now you should be well aware of the fact that I am not 'most people'.” He stood and began to pace, looking as if he promptly regretted it as another wave of vertigo flashed through. Buffy was grateful she had been sitting down for it. Giles had to reach out and catch the edge of the mantle to steady himself.

_What does it mean that it seems to be hitting both of us?_

“It had to have been that little demon,” she said aloud, “It's the only thing that makes sense. Its lightning bolt attack thingy hit both of us.”

“I would agree,” Giles murmured as he steadied himself once more and moved to his bookcases. “The only other thing that's been out of the ordinary lately has been... well...”

Buffy couldn't hold back a giggle. “You mean realizing we were madly in love with each other, had been lying to ourselves, then admitting how we really felt and becoming lovers all within the last few days? Yeah. That's all totally normal for us.”

Giles turned to her with a look that said he wanted to scold her, but she could see the strained smile underneath.

“Quite.”

Buffy frowned, thinking hard. “I can't see any of that causing this... whatever it is, though.”

Giles examined his books, tracing one finger along the spines. “Nor I. So we are left with the demon.” He pulled several books from the shelves and brought them over to where Buffy sat on the couch before seating himself next to her.

Buffy grabbed a book off the stack and flipped it open. Only to realize she had no idea where to begin.

“Giles,” she complained, “why can't these things have indexes? Or tables of contents?”

He peered over at the book she held. “That one is separated by colors of demons. Just look for the section with demons that look most like the one we saw and narrow it down from there.”

She grumbled under her breath and got to work, needing to close her eyes against the vertigo several times. The double vision really made it look like she was holding two books in one.

She jumped when Giles gave a cry of triumph. He laid out the book he had been leafing through on the table and gestured to a small drawing in the corner of one page, looking extremely proud of himself.

She leaned over, examining the yellowed page. The drawing certainly looked like the demon that had attacked them. There were even little wavy lines that seemed to show the crackling energy that had surrounded the thing. There was only one problem...

“Giles. This isn't in English. How am I supposed to-”

She trailed off as he protested that he would have, of course, translated for her. Because somehow, bizarrely, the longer she looked at the page the more she realized that she could read it.

Sort of.

This wasn't like reading in French class. She couldn't have said how the words on the page fit together or even that they were actually words. She had no idea what language it even was, but somehow she knew what each word, each sentence, meant as she looked down at the page.

“Giles,” she said quietly, interrupting him, “Why do I understand what this says?”

Giles fell silent and tilted his head questioningly. “What do you mean, you understand it?” he asked, his voice very low and quiet. And that scared her almost more than anything else had that evening.

_Serious Giles voice means this is bad._ _But what is it...?_

“I-I'm not sure,” she said quietly, “I don't recognize it as a language. But somehow I know what it says.”

He frowned down at the page, glancing between it and her face. “I have no idea how that could be. I can read it, but I would never expect you to be able to...”

A sudden flash of intuition made her blood run cold as Giles trailed off and his eyes darted to her face, wide and shocked. It all suddenly made too much sense. The feeling of switching, being able to read these old books...

With shaking hands, she pulled several books from the pile, ignoring his squawk of annoyance as the stack teetered. She flipped them open one after another, confirming the same thing with each one. She had the same bizarre understanding of each language.

Giles watched her, worry creasing his brow. “Buffy, what are you thinking?”

She leapt up from the couch and began to pace, ignoring the washes of vertigo, only knowing she needed to move, to think. “Giles, there's only one thing that makes sense, that explains why I can understand these books, this weird double vision thing we have going on. That's why it seemed like I could read the book. I couldn't. Not really. But you can. And earlier when I just guessed that you were all excited about researching, what if....”

He stood quickly from the couch, moving in front of her and stopping her pacing with his hands on her shoulders. “Buffy, slow down! What are you getting at?”

She looked up at him with wide, frightened eyes. “We're switching places, or telepathic... or something... I don't know what, but think about it. It's the only thing that makes sense!”

He paled as her words sank in. She could almost see the wheels turning in his head as he thought and thought hard. Moving back to the bookshelf, he pulled out one with an odd, cracked leather cover, flipping it open to a random page. He held it out to her, his face white as he asked, “Can you understand this?”

She tilted her head to see the page. Flowing, spidery lines skittered across the page but it looked nothing like words to her. Buffy shook her head. “Nope, can't. But what does that prove?”

Giles flipped the book shut and replaced it on the shelf, his face grim. “I can't read it either. Supposedly it's a text on the flora of a demon realm but I don't know the language and I've never been able to get a translation.”

Buffy sank down into the armchair, fighting down a rising panic. “Giles, last time this happened to me, we needed the demon that did it. That little demon is gone. What are we going to do?”

His expression was bleak. “I don't know.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As it gets into summer and I'm done with both work and school semesters, I'm hoping to be able to get really going on this again.


End file.
